Confessions Of Storybrooke Housewives
by Darley1101
Summary: When Ruby is given an assignment to interview six housewives, she quickly discovers the wives of Storybrooke are not at all like she expected! Humorous take on the various couples, with some new ones mixed in. Snowing, Outlaw Queen, Captain Swan, Mad Fairy, Marian/Archie, and mentions of Ruby/Will Scarlett.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Confessions of Storybrooke Housewives

Author: Darley1101

Rating: M (use of language, sexual human, and explicit sexual content)

Characters: Regina/Evil Queen; Mary Margaret/Snow White; Ruby/Little Red Riding Hood; Emma; Belle; Tinkerbell; Marian; Robin Hood; David/Prince Charming; Will Scarlet/The Knave; Killian/Captain Hook; Mr. Gold/Rumple; Jefferson/Mad Hatter; Archie/Jiminy Cricket; Granny

Pairings: Regina/Robin Hood; Snow/Charming; Emma/Hook; Belle/Rumple; Marian/Archie; Tinkerbell/Jefferson; Ruby/Will

Premise; With the curse lifted, Ruby is able to attend college. For the most part she loves it. Until one of her professors gives her an assignment that has the wives of Storybrooke telling her things she never wanted to know.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing something of this nature, so please bear with me as I am certain there will be errors. If you do spot an error you are more than welcome to point it out. One thing I do ask is that if you feel a character is OOC and you feel the need to tell me please include why you think the character is OOC. I can't fix something if I don't know what it is I am supposed to be fixing. Most of all I want you to enjoy this little bit of fun! I would also like to make note of the fact that some of the characters are going to do and say things you might not like. They're going to be airing dirty laundry that may or may not exist on the show. Please do not take that as I don't like the pairing or that I

Dedication: For my friend Jess in Germany! I hope this makes you smile.

Chapter One

Chapter Title: The Assignment

Characters: Ruby/Red Riding Hood; Granny

Gripping the steering wheel of her bright red, Super Sport Camaro, Ruby stared at the front of her grandmother's diner. Nothing about the place had changed in the six months that she had been gone to college. The windows were still so clean that they sparkled, the blossoms of Granny's potted plants were still the brightest around, and, a smile tweaked the corners of Ruby's crimson lips, Leroy still liked sitting at the front counter. Letting out the breath she hadn't known she was holding, Ruby relaxed her grip on the steering wheel and reached down with her right hand to pull the key from the ignition. No matter how much was dreading going in and telling Granny that she might fail one of her classes because of some stupid study she couldn't conduct, Ruby knew she couldn't stay in her car either; it was too noticeable, which meant it was pointless trying to hide, avoid, or whatever. She pasted a brilliant smile on her mouth and climbed out of the car, smirking a little when caught sight of a vaguely familiar man in a leather jacket looking her up and down. _Eat your heart out,_ she thought, glad that she had opted for her black leather leggings and red fuck me high heels, instead of the sloppy sweats and Uggs that had, sadly, become her college freshman uniform. Storybrooke was home, not the University of Maine, though, and everyone here had expectations; at least where Ruby's wardrobe was concerned. Shooting the mystery man a quick wink before entering the busy diner, Ruby mentally prepared herself for the onslaught of questions she knew would be coming her way. Was she enjoying college? Did she miss home? Was she dating anyone? Yes, she was enjoying college; even though she hated it. Yes, she missed home; there were nights she cried herself to sleep she missed it so much. No, she wasn't dating anyone; the men in this realm were either total jackasses who thought no meant yes or they had the same obsession with red lip stick and high heels that she had. No, she wasn't having any trouble with her memory; though if she were it would make life easier.

"Hey Granny," she called over the din of conversing diners.

"Ruby!" Her grandmother's face lit up. "Thank God! I'm down a waitress and swamped. Grab an apron."

A grimace twisted Ruby's pretty face. Of course. Typical Granny. No how are you. No I've missed you. No what are you doing home before Thanksgiving. Just...grab an apron. Fighting the urge to turn around and walk back out to her car, Ruby strode across the diner and stepped behind the counter. She picked up one of the frilly little aprons the waitresses were expected to wear and tied it around her waist. "Where do you want me to start," she asked, trying to keep the resentment from her voice.

"Check on customers. Refill drinks. And if anyone new comes in grab their order." With that edict, her grandmother disappeared into the kitchen.

_Welcome home,_ she thought sarcastically, grabbing the coffee carafe.

The next two hours flew by and all thoughts of the ridiculous study her professor wanted her to do went by the way side. It wasn't until Granny forced her into a chair, set a plate with a cheeseburger on it and an icy coke in front of her, and demanded to know how she was fairing at that over priced school that she remembered why she had chosen to come home, instead of spending the weekend on campus like she usually did. "Truthfully?"

"Truth is usually best."

_No_, she thought, _not really._ The problem with telling the truth was the truth was often messy and most people didn't want to deal with the mess. They all claimed they did, but they didn't, not really. What they really wanted was a cleaned up version of things; something they could feel good about. Ruby didn't hold any delusions that her grandmother was any different from the rest of the world; except Gran didn't mind cleaning up a mess. "I've got this assignment," she started, her heart and stomach clenching. "I'm not sure I can do it."

"I see."

Except it was obvious from Granny's tone that she didn't see. Not really. Ruby bit back a sigh and slumped in her seat; the leather of her pants squeaking against the vinyl of the chair cushion. "It's for my Marriage and the family class," she explained. It had been stupid of her to think that she could take a class entitled Marriage and the Family and not run into problems. When she had signed up for the course she had let herself forget that she wasn't originally from this realm and that when the moon was full she transformed into a wolf. She'd let herself forget that she didn't have a family. Not in the traditional sense that the people of this realm seemed to covet. She hadn't grown up with two parents setting examples; bad or good. All she had her granny. Granny who was a crack shot with a cross bow and an excellent at tricking people into thinking frozen lasgna was home made. Not that Ruby was complaining about her Granny. She wasn't. She appreciated everything her grandmother had ever done for her. Granny just hadn't equipped her enough for a class that revolved around understanding the dynamics of relationships and family. Up until this latest assignment she had been able to wing it. She had played off the fact that both her parents were dead and she'd been raised by a rather eccentric grandmother in a very private community. That sympathy card had expired with this latest assignment. Interview six married or seriously committed women. It seemed so simple. And it probably was. Or it would be. If Ruby knew six women who were married or seriously committed. When she said as much to her Granny her grandmother surprised her by swatting her upside her head. "Ow!" She rubbed the offended spot. "What was that for?"

"For being such a dumb ass," Granny snapped.

Ruby narrowed her eyes. She knew it would do no good to tell her grandmother to lower her voice; which meant half of Storybrooke now knew that Granny Lucas thought her only living relative, Ruby, was a dumb ass. There was no telling what story would be concocted as to why Granny felt that way. Rumors seemed to thrive and fly in Storybrooke. "Would you rather I make something up? I've tried that already!" And earned herself a warning. Her professor had caught on to her fabrication within minutes of reading her first report. Interviewing her parents. He'd been understanding when she admitted that the reason she had falsified the report was her parents were dead. He'd let her off with a very clear warning: if she was caught falsifying another report she would be dropped from the class. She needed the class. Therefore she couldn't risk falsification again. Which meant she had two options. 1. Tell the professor she couldn't do the assignment and take a C or 2. Find six normal women who were married or in a serious relationship who were willing to answer some rather personal questions. Since she didn't know six women who were married or in a serious relationship, she would have to take the C would hurt but not as much as getting kicked out of the class. "I'm just going to tell the professor I can't do it and take a C."

"Like hell you are!" Once more Ruby felt people staring at her. Wonderful. Now the rumors really would fly. "Why would you take a lower grade when you have plenty of people right here in Storybrooke that you can interview?"

"Fairytale people," Ruby shot back. It wasn't as though she hadn't thought about interviewing Mary Margaret or some of the other wives in town. She had. And she had come to the conclusion that it would be of no use. What did they know about marriage in this realm? None of them had met in a believable way and the obstacles they had all faced in their marriages, or relationships, weren't obstacles they would face in this realm. She could see the look on her professor's face now if she turned in a report that included Snow White and Prince Charming. He would accuse her of making shit up...again.

"Real people," Granny countered. "Real people with real relationships. Why just this morning Mary Margaret was complaining that she's the only one who gets up with the baby. And just last week Emma was telling me that her father and Killian hate each other. Said the two can't be in the same room without trying to kill each other."

Knitting her brow together, Ruby thought about all the various issues they had discussed in class and compared them to the things her grandmother had told her about Mary Margaret and Emma. For the first time since the assignment had been passed out she felt a ray of hope. She could do this. She could interview Mary Margaret and Emma about their relationships. Two out of six women wasn't so bad. Maybe they would give her enough information that she could create four more realistic women. Scooting her chair back, Ruby rose to her feet. "Where do you think you're going," her grandmother demanded.

"To Mary Margaret's."

"Not until after the dinner rush you're not!"

This time Ruby didn't bother biting back the curses that were forming in her mouth. She wasn't there to wait tables, damn it! She was there to complete an assignment. Okay, so yeah, she had originally come home to lick her wounds and to accept the fact that she was going to have a bad grade. Now that she knew she had viable women to interview, she was there to do the interview. It did no good to argue with her grandmother about that point though. Granny was quick to point out that without the income from the diner to pay for her fancy land without magic education there wouldn't be a class to complete assignments for. Tucking her chin against her chest, Ruby sent a text to Mary Margaret, giving her the details of the assignment and asking if she and Emma would be interested in being interviewed. A few minutes later her phone buzzed with a return text. It was from Emma rather than Mary Margaret.

_MM is busy with Neal. He's teething. She says to tell ya she's in. So am I. I hope you don't mind but since Regina was here to pick up Henry, I asked her if she was interested in helping you out as well and she said yes. _

A grim smile tightened on Ruby's lips. She didn't know how she felt about including Regina. Especially since the last time Ruby had been home Regina had been trying to get over Robin deciding to stay with his wife, Marian. Maybe there was a new guy? She shrugged. Even if there wasn't, Regina had been married. Ruby could tweak things so it sounded as though Regina's husband was still alive, rather than dead. That meant she was up to three women and she was absolutely certain she could work with that. She started to slide her phone back into her pocket when it buzzed again. An unknown number this time.

_Ruby. It's Regina. Emma gave me your number. She said you were looking for women to interview for some assignment. How many do you need? _

Her first thought was she was going to kill Emma for giving Regina her phone number. Her second thought was please don't let Regina be backing out. She sent a quick text back.

_Ideally 6 but I can work with 3._

Moments later her phone buzzed again.

_Have you spoken with Belle, Marian, or Tinkerbell? _

No. Ruby had only spoken with Mary Margaret, and apparently Emma...who had a big mouth. Belle wasn't a bad idea. She had been married to Rumple for about seven months now. Marian and Tinkerbell though? Ruby wasn't so sure about them. It would be awkward having Marian and Regina in the same room and Tinkerbell, was she was a fairy, which meant she was pretty much a nun since fairies didn't engage in sexual activities or form emotional attachments. Or they hadn't in the Enchanted Forest. Who knew about this land! Beggers couldn't be choosers though, so Ruby asked Regina if she knew who to get a hold of Marian and Tinkerbell. Belle would be easy. Ruby had the number to Gold's Pawn Shop.

_You tell me the time and place and I will make sure all three are there._

Quirking her brow up, Ruby couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on. She didn't ponder on it too long. She didn't have time. The diner was filling up again. She sent a quick text off asking if they could meet at Regina's office around 8.

_Perfect._

Sliding her phone into her back pocket, Ruby grabbed an order pad and a pen. Humming an annoying song she'd heard on the radio about an anaconda she started towards a table where two dwarfs had taken a seat.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: As of 11/18/14 I fixed the hot mess that was the first chapter. There were a few little changes to it as well. A great big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, review, etc. It means the world to me!

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to JessicaBrennan. She has read every single one of my Once Upon A Time fanfictions and is usually the first to review. J, your loyalty and continued support mean the world to me. If you haven't already checked out her stories I strongly recommend that you do! She has some super creative story lines!

Chapter Two

Title: Let the Confessions Begin

Characters: Ruby/Red Riding Hood; Mary Margaret/Snow White with mention of Emma; Regina/The Evil Queen; Tinkerbell; Marian; Belle

It was fifteen minutes past 8 PM when Ruby was finally able to break free from the diner. An Autumn chill hung in the air, making her yearn for the red cape her grandmother had sewn for her all those years ago in the Enchanted Forest. Since hooded capes that kept girls from turning into werewolves weren't exactly in the height of fashion, not to mention the cape was packed away in the attic at Granny's bed and breakfast, she made due with a light weight sweater she'd almost forgotten was in the backseat of her car. As she shrugged into the soft, black cardigan she debated on whether or not she wanted to drive the two blocks to City Hall or if she wanted to enjoy the crisp, fresh air and walk. She opted for walking. Despite the cool weather, it was a gorgeous night. Why not enjoy it? It wasn't like she could enjoy an evening walk on campus. There were too many drunken frat boys puking in the bushes or more serious scholars strolling around trying to outsmart one another. In Storybrooke she could walk around as much as she wanted and not have to worry about ending up with vomit on her shoes or someone looking down their nose at her because she didn't know what the Boston Tea Party was.

She inhaled deeply, savoring the crisp scent of changing leaves. Autumn was, by far, her favorite season. Or, she frowned, it had been. Now it was just a hot mess of final exams and stressful psychological studies where she had to ask her friends personal questions about their relationships. Maybe she should have saved herself the drama of her freak out and done what so many of her classmates had done: advertised in the student center for women willing to participate in a study pertaining to their relationships. Ruby had never been one to do things the easy way, or even the popular way. She was, as her grandmother put it, without a doubt, her own person. For once, she wished she wasn't. Interviewing strangers would be far easier than digging deep into the love lives of women she knew. Some of which she considered friends.

"You're a little late."

Blinking, Ruby looked up to find that she had made it to City Hall and Mary Margaret was waiting for her at the front door. She blinked again. Had she really walked two blocks without realizing it? It would seem so. Taking a deep breath, she forced her lips into what she hoped was an apologetic smile. "Sorry. The diner was busy and," she shrugged, "you know how Granny is."

An understanding smile flashed across Mary Margaret's lips as she motioned for Ruby to come inside. Once both women were in the darken foyer of City Hall, Mary Margaret locked the door behind them. "She's had trouble finding help since you've been gone."

Ruby's brow wrinkled for a moment as she tried to figure out how to respond to that. She couldn't very well tell her friend that if Granny was short on help it was the old lady's own fault. Granny, while lovable in her own way, was not the easiest person to work for. "I'm sure the right person will come along," she offered, following Mary Margaret towards the stairs.

"Of course."

They continued their trek to the second floor in silence. It felt strange being inside the municipal building after hours. She'd only ever been there for town meetings and those had mostly taken place during the day time. She had to admit, without the benefit of lights and the comforting presence of the rest of the town folk the place felt rather creepy. Not a big surprise, really. It was, after all, Regina's domain and there was no denying how creepy the Evil Queen's castle had been in the Enchanted Forest. She instantly felt guilty over the silent slight. Regina had worked hard to over come her past and if anyone knew what it was like to be judged for something they had no control over, it was Ruby. Not that she was comparing her hereditary werewolf tendencies to Regina's self-proclaimed reign of terror. She wasn't. She just..._Stop it,_ she silently ordered. _Stop with all the weird, random thoughts. Focus on your assignment. _

"Look who I found," Mary Margaret said cheerfully as they entered Regina's office. Across the room, seated either on the sofa or in one of the chairs, were the other women. It was a bit shocking, seeing them all there; even though Ruby had known they would be. It just seemed strange. They were all, willingly, gathered and ready to discuss some of the most intimate details of their relationships.

"So, um, thank you." Ruby forced a smile, hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt. "It really means a lot that you guys would, you know, let me into your relationships this way."

"When you said 'into our relationships' what exactly do you mean?"

The question came from Belle. The tip of Ruby's tongue darted out to lick her lips. "Well, I have a set of required questions I have to ask," she said weakly.

"Yes, I realize that, but what I'm wondering," Belle looked around at the other women, "what we're all wondering is do we have to answer them?"

_That is the general idea,_ Ruby thought, chewing her bottom lip. Aloud, she remained silent. She didn't know how to answer the question without seeming ungrateful. She couldn't afford to piss off a single one of these women. She needed them to take part. Yes, she'd entertained thoughts of making women up but then reality had sunk in. Her professor had seen through her pretend parental interviews, he would see through fake relationship interviews. There was too much complexity in a real relationship. It couldn't be faked.

"What Belle means...what she's asking...is if a question feels too personal can we choose not to answer it?" Emma smiled brightly, her blue eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. "I know there are certain parts of my relationship with Killian that I would rather not discuss." She shot a glance in Mary Margaret's direction. "For obvious reasons," she muttered.

"And there are parts of your relationships I don't want to discuss," Ruby quipped. "For obvious reasons." It was only after the words left her mouth that she wondered if they might have come across as offensive. She gave a tiny shrug. So what if they had? She was only telling the truth. There were things she didn't want to know about their relationships and unless the question was on the form her professor had given her, she wasn't going to pry.

"We should probably get started," Mary Margaret suggested. "I'm not sure how long I have before I need to be home."

Ruby didn't miss Emma rolling her eyes. "I'm sure dad can handle a couple hours on his own," the blonde muttered.

"That isn't what I meant," Mary Margaret muttered in return.

What had she meant? Ruby was dying to know. She had never heard Mary Margaret sounding so cross. Taking another deep breath, Ruby clasped her hands in front of her. "So," she smiled brightly, "who wants to go first?"


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: I am completely blown away by all the positive feedback I have received on this story. It means a great deal to me. Especially over the last few weeks. I am sure those of you who read this, as well as my other story This Heart Of Mine, noticed there have been long periods between updates. It wasn't from lack of want or ideas. I had some upsetting test results at the doctor. There was some concern I might have leukemia. You see, it runs in my family. I lost a grandmother to it. After much testing, they discovered I am merely severely anemic. Which isn't great but it is much better than leukemia. If you are new to reading my works you might be wondering why I shared that with you. It is because I believe in being honest with my readers. I also didn't want anyone thinking I had taken __a guest reviewer's words to heart. I didn't. I know that I don't hate Snow White and Charming. To be quite honest I was a little surprised and amused by the remarks. Snow White is a new mom. She's dealing with very little sleep and everyone wanting something. Of course she is going to be cranky, and with that crankiness comes words spoken in the heat of the moment, words she, dare I say, regrets. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have to explain myself to most of you! You guys get it. The humorous moments in relationships. Before we get back to the story: Don't freak out over Belle and Rumple. Okay, you can freak out, but have faith and trust me. All will be revealed and fixed. I love all the couples I chose for this story. I wouldn't have chosen them if I didn't. Also, I looked everywhere and couldn't find a last name for Ruby, so I dubbed her Ruby Hood. If anyone knows her actual last name lemme know! Now, back to the story..._

Chapter Three

Title: Why Him?

Characters: Ruby/Red Riding Hood, Mary Margaret/Snow White; Regina/Evil Queen; Marian, Tinkerbell, Emma.

Pairings: Snow/Charming; Robin/Regina; Marian/Archie; Tinkerbell/Jefferson; Belle/Rumple; Emma/Hook

Inhaling deeply, Ruby held her breath for a moment before letting Mary Margaret lead her over to the sitting area of the office. Butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. She was about to invade the relationships of women she had known for years. Okay, maybe _years_ was stretching it a bit. Still, she _knew _these women. She _knew_ the men in their lives. And she was about to know them on a whole new level. For the first time since she had received this ridiculous assignment, Ruby felt excitement. Assignment or not, she was about to get some of the juiciest gossip in town! And she had just enough of her Granny in her to be thrilled about it; even if she couldn't share any of it.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she took a seat in the black, crushed velvet winged back chair that Mary Margaret had directed her towards. Relief shot through her body. It was the first chance she'd had to sit all evening. It was all she could do not to sigh with pleasure, or, worse, take a little nap. Fighting back a yawn, she straightened her spine and let her gave wander over the other women who were seated. Tinkerbell was on the sofa, sitting between Emma and Regina. Marian was sitting primly in a chair to Ruby's left, her fingers nervously playing with the hem of her sapphire blue sweater. Belle was slumped in the chair next to Marian's; leaving Mary Margaret to wiggle in next to Emma, forcing Tinkerbell and Regina closer together. Once they were all comfortable, or at least as comfortable as four women crammed on a sofa meant for three could be, Ruby flashed them all what she hoped was a bright smile. "So," she said slowly, her heart rate accelerating, "I'm not really sure how I am supposed to do this. Like are you guys comfortable answering questions in front of each other, or would you like me to talk to you each alone..."

The women murmured amongst themselves before Mary Margaret announced that they would proceed as a group, unless the questions became too personal, at which point they would then separate. How that would work, Ruby didn't know. She couldn't afford to disagree to the condition though. Not if she wanted to turn her assignment in on time. "Well, alright them. Let's get started. She reached into her pocket for the tiny recorder she had brought with her. Recording the interview was the easiest way to insure she didn't miss anything. "My name is Ruby Hood," she said softly into the recorder. "It is Thursday, November 6, and it is 8:45 PM. The following interview is being conducted for my final term paper in Marriage and the Family. I will be interviewing six different women on their relationships. IF each of you could state your first name, age, and the status of your relationship we will get the interview underway." A small sense of accomplishment swelled in her chest as she passed the tape recorder to Emma. She'd remembered, at least she felt like she had remembered, everything she was supposed to say when recording an interview. Her bubble of pride burst when Mary Margaret pushed pause on the recorder. "Is something wrong," she asked, silently praying that they weren't backing out on the interview.

"Well..." Mary Margaret glanced at the others, who were shifting around uncomfortably. "Do you really need our ages?"

Oh for crying out loud! Annoyance shot through Ruby. None of these women, not even Regina, had struck her as vain enough to not want people to know their ages. Apparently Ruby had thought wrong as there they were, refusing to go forward with the interview if they had to say their ages.

"Its just, well, because of the original curse and all, Emma is the only one who can state their actual age..."

Ruby bit back a groan. Of course! Mary Margaret was right. Damn it. Why hadn't she thought about that?

"We could just say whatever age we recall being," Belle suggested.

"That could work," agreed Tinkerbell, "except fairies don't age the same as people."

Ruby felt the veins in her temple start to throb. Paying strangers was looking better and better. Too bad it was too late for that. "We'll just skip the age part," she bit out before anyone else could raise an objection.

"That sounds like the best course," Emma muttered.

Mary Margaret nodded her agreement before turning the recorder back on. "My name is Mary Margaret and I am married." Wordlessly she passed the recorder to Emma.

"My name is Emma and I am engaged to be married."

Engaged? Ruby felt her jaw slacken. Emma was engaged? Her eyes darted towards Emma's left hand. Sure enough, there was a ginormous diamond ring on her finger. Since Hook had no job to speak of, Ruby could only assume it was left over from his pirating days. Or maybe Hook did have a job and had paid for the ring? There were so many questions spiraling through Ruby's mind. The biggest one being why hadn't her grandmother said anything? She knew Ruby and Emma were friends, she knew Ruby would want to know that Emma was getting married. She and her grandmother were going to have to have a serious talk.

Tinkerbell cleared her throat, interrupting Ruby's thoughts. "My name is Tinkerbell," the fairy stated, "and, unfortunately, thanks to way too much rum I am married."

Tucking her lips between her teeth, Ruby watched as Tinkerbell passed the recorder to Regina. It took all her inner strength not to ask what the hell Tinkerbell was talking about! When Emma had told her Tinkerbell would be taking part, Ruby had assumed the fairy was dating someone. Married? And rum had been involved? Oh God, not asking how that came about was going to be hard!

"My name is Regina and I am married as well."

It was on the tip of Ruby's tongue to make a flippant remark about how quickly Regina had gotten over Robin leaving her for his wife...Marian. The joke would have been cruel, especially since Marian was there and, judging by the small rounded belly beneath her sweater, things were going well between Marian and her husband. If Regina had found a way to moved forward, to find happiness, and it was pretty obvious that Regina was happy given the way the former evil queen was glowing, who was Ruby to judge? And, Ruby quirked a brow up, unless Regina was eating more than her fair share of cake Marian wasn't the only one with a bun in her oven.

Belle cleared her throat, interrupting Ruby's thoughts. "My name is Belle," she said softly. "And I am currently separated from...my husband." Her voice broke, a solitary tear trailing down her cheek. "Sorry," she muttered, wiping at the tear with her right hand while passing the recorder to Marian with her left. Genuine horror rippled through Ruby. She couldn't say that Rumpelstiltskin was her favorite person, but she did like Belle and for some reason Rumple made Belle happy. Or he had. It was difficult sitting there, not being able to say or do anything, to ease the pain on Belle's face.

"So I just speak into this part right here?" Marian stared down at the record, turning it in her hands. "And it records my voice? How clever!" She smiled brightly before saying what Ruby already knew she would say: her name was Marian and she was married.

As Ruby reached out to accept the tape recorder back from Marian she realized her hand was starting to shake. Great. Just her luck. She would choose now to get nervous. It was all the shock of the things she was learning. Emma was engaged. Tinkerbell had gotten drunk and married. Regina had met, gotten married, and chosen to have a child with someone. And Belle, her heart constricted, sweet, kind hearted Belle was having marital issues. She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and then repeated the process. "I thought we would start with an easy question," she said, her voice thick with emotions she couldn't place or name. "The question is why him? Basically, I just need to know why you chose to become involved with the man you're involved with."

"If that's an easy question, I'm not sure I want to hear the hard ones," Emma muttered.

"Well its an easy one for me," Tinkerbell shot back. "I was drunk," she told Ruby.  
>"And have you seen his..." she gestured towards her lap. "He's huge! Plus he does this really amazing thing with his tongue..."<p>

"Tink!" Regina clapped a hand over Tinkerbell's mouth. "I don't think Ruby needs or wants to hear about what Jefferson can do with his tongue, dear. Or," she murmured under her breath, "the size of his equipment."

Regina was wrong. Oh so wrong. It had been forever (over a year for certain) since Ruby had gotten any action (if one counted oral sex with Whale as action) and she wasn't opposed to living vicariously through Tinkerbell and...Jefferson? Jefferson as in the Mad Hatter? Tinkerbell had married the Mad Hatter? Yeah, Ruby definitely wanted to hear more about his equipment and what he could do with his tongue. Not that she would admit it aloud, but Ruby had had more than a few fantasies where Jefferson were concerned. Most of them had revolved around him being a naughty boy and her punishing him for it. There had also been one or two where he had been wearing nothing but his hat.

How about we skip Tinkerbell," Mary Margaret cut in. "At least for this question."

Reluctantly, Ruby agreed. She could simply put Tinkerbell had married because she was physically attracted to him. It wasn't all that unusual. Back in the Enchanted Forest she had seen more than one village girl marry simply because the lad was nice looking and they liked the way said lad made their girly parts feel. Maybe it was the wolf in her, but Ruby had never seen the need to marry a boy simply because he made her feel good physically.

"It's a rather easy question for me as well," Belle said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over them. "He _seen_ me and he believed in me. I wasn't just a pretty ornament for his arm or a way to form a new alliance. He made me feel like I mattered. Its hard not to love a man like that."

_Then why are you separated?_ Tension hung heavily in the air as Ruby tried to answer the question without actually asking it. There were, in Ruby's opinion, a dozen or more solid reasons to leave a man like Rumpelstiltskin. The first and foremost being his addiction to power. She didn't know enough about his past to understand why he put his hunger for power above all else, but for as long as Ruby had known him it had always been about power. "Who wants to go next," she asked, clearing her throat. No matter how uncomfortable they all must feel about talking about their happy relationships the interview had to push forward.

"I suppose I can," Mary Margaret offered, a gentle smile on her face. "I didn't like David much when I first met him. In fact, I hit him with a rock." Pressing her fingers to her lips, Ruby bit back a smile. She remembered that! Of course she hadn't been there, but she remembered Mary Margaret telling her about the awful, yet dashingly handsome, 'prince' she had tried to rob and how she had ended up creaming him with a rock. Later, there had been talk of a bridge, some trolls, and changed feelings. "Isn't it strange? How you can go from wanting to hit someone with a rock to wanting to spend the rest of your life with that same person?" A soft sigh whispered past Mary Margaret's lips. "I'm not sure I even know how to answer this question. There are so many reasons why I love him. He's always been there for me, even when it would have been easier for him to leave. He didn't. He stayed by my side. And he's such an amazing father! I know, I know! I complain about having to get with Neal at night, but," Mary Margaret paused, her cheeks turning red, "I understand. I really do. David's work schedule is crazy. He never knows when he is getting off or when he will be called in. I guess at times I just let it all get to me and I say things I don't mean. It doesn't mean I love him any less. And really, it isn't just the sleep thing. I miss sex. Do you know how hard it is to try and have sex when you're sharing the room with a someone who wakes up every three hours?" She let out a huge gust of air, and laughed nervously. "Wow! I guess Tinkerbell isn't the only one sharing too much."

"Mom," Emma said softly, "I told you anytime you need a break you can call me."

"I know," Mary Margaret smiled, "I just don't want you to feel like I'm, you know, becoming one of those mothers who makes the older child babysit the younger child."

It wasn't funny. Truly it wasn't. Yet, Ruby couldn't hold in a small giggle. Due to the original curse Mary Margaret and her eldest child Emma were roughly the same age. "I don't think there's any danger of that happening," Emma chuckled. "How about when we're done with this, I take Neal home for the night. Give you and dear ole dad a chance to, uh, sleep."

"If you're sure..."

With her dark eyes narrowed, her red lips twisting into a smirk, Regina leaned forward and shot Mary Margaret a look. "Trust me, she's sure. Now if you don't mind could we please focus on this getting this over with."

"Yes! Of course!" Mary Margaret shot Ruby an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Ruby. This probably isn't how you imagined this going."

Mary Margaret was right. This wasn't how Ruby had imagined the interviews going. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing though. Whether each woman realized it or not they were revealing the true natures of their relationships. Tinkerbell was trying really hard to convince everyone, herself included, that the only reason she had married Jefferson was because she was drunk and he was good in bed. There were feelings involved though, and Tinkerbell was scared if she admitted she loved Jefferson she would discover he didn't love her in return. With Belle it was a bit more complicated. She had spoken of how Rumple made her feel but hadn't mentioned how he felt. Perhaps she didn't know. Perhaps that was why the marriage was so shaky. Mary Margaret, well, she just needed a long nap and for David to fuck the hell out of her.

"It's fine," Ruby said hurriedly when it became obvious everyone was expecting her to respond to Mary Margaret's apology. "Really, it is."

"Now that we have all that settled can we please focus." Regina leaned back into the corner of the sofa and settled one hand on the gentle curve of her abdomen. If Ruby hadn't been convinced before that Regina was pregnant, she was convinced now. "Whose left?"

"You and Marian," Tinkerbell answered.

"You can go first," Marian said quickly.

Giving a small nod, Regina tossed a chunk of black hair over her shoulder. "Alright. I think why I love Robin is rather obvious. He believed in me and he loved me, even when I didn't love or believe in myself."

Robin? Regina was married to Robin? Ruby felt her eyes widen and then shift between Regina and Marian. If Regina was with Robin then who in the hell was Marian with? Unless, Ruby's eyes widened even further, they were both with Robin. No, she quickly decided. She couldn't imagine Regina sharing, nor could she imagine Marian being happy with that sort of arrangement.

"I suppose it is now my turn." Marian's chest visibly rose as she inhaled deeply. "I didn't intend to end up married again. Not after Robin and I..." her brow wrinkled and she looked towards Regina.

"Divorced," Regina said softly.

"Oh yes! That's right! Divorced! After Robin and I divorced I planned on being with just myself for a while. I've never done that, you know? Been on my own. I've always had to rely on a man and I wanted to see what it would be like to rely only on myself. Of course, I celebrated a bit too much at the Rabbit Hole and well, when I told Archie that our," her cheeks burned bright red," liaison had resulted in a child we decided we should get to know one another. He's an amazing man. I don't believe I've ever met anyone quite like him. I feel like I can be myself with him and that he listens when I make suggestions."

"So how long have you been married," Ruby heard herself asking. She wasn't supposed to pry. There were rules about prying for answers. Maybe if she didn't include it in her final report it woudn't matter that she had broken the rule. Besides, it wasn't like her teacher would ever hear the tape and know.

"Three days," Marian said proudly. "I'm glad we waited to. Do you know how wonderful it is to marry someone because you love them? Not because you're with child or trying to avoid marriage to another man who is awful and evil?"

No, Ruby didn't know what that was like. She'd never wanted to know. Not till now. Now, after listening to each of these women talk about the various reasons they were with the men they were with, Ruby found herself longing for the same. She wanted someone to ask her 'why him?' and she wanted to be able to tell them that he made her a better person, that he loved her for who she was, and that she couldn't imagine life without him.

"So," Emma smiled, "what's the next question?"

"Oh!" Ruby blinked. "It's..."

"Oh no you don't!" Mary Margaret scooted so she faced Emma. "You're not getting out of this!"

It took Ruby a moment to realize that Emma hadn't taken her turn. "Hey! That's right! You haven't answered the question! So...Emma...tell us why you love Hook."

"Killian," Emma whispered, her features softening and a bemused smirk shaping her lips. "His name is Killian. I'm not sure where to begin with that one. I guess you could say it's because he gets me. All of me. And he understands."

That was it? That was why Emma had chosen Hook...er Killian? Because the man 'got' her and he 'understood' her? Ruby let that mull around in her mind for a moment. And then she got it. Hook accepted Emma for who she was, and he loved her for who she was. And that was what it was all about.


End file.
